Episode 50: The Selective Yes

Are you saying yes out of ambition or fear? After nine years in big law, I've come to a powerful realization: every "yes" is simultaneously a "no" to something else. Whether you're a new associate afraid to decline assignments or a seasoned attorney drowning in commitments, this episode unveils the hidden equation that governs our professional choices.

The pressure to constantly say yes is baked into legal culture. We're taught that availability equals dedication, that boundaries signal a lack of commitment. But what if the opposite is true? What if the most successful legal careers are built not on unlimited yeses but on strategic, intentional choices that honor both professional ambition and personal wellbeing?

Drawing from my own journey—from a young associate who said yes to everything to a partner who's learned to make more deliberate choices—I share practical strategies for making decisions that truly serve your career goals. We explore the art of the "gracious no," the power of the "yes, but" conversation, and why regularly reassessing your priorities is essential as your career evolves. I also tackle the fascinating generational shift in boundary-setting, as younger millennials and Gen Z approach work-life boundaries differently than those who came before them.

Ready to transform your approach to professional opportunities? Listen now, and discover how making more intentional choices can help you create a legal career that's not just sustainable but deeply meaningful. 

Find out more at https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilystedman/.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to The Grace Period
• 0:50 Learning to Say Yes and No
• 1:47 Making Intentional Career Choices
• 2:55 The Art of the Gracious No
• 4:40 Generational Differences in Boundary Setting
• 5:40 Episode Closing and Disclaimer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Grace Period where we get real about attorney mental health and well-being and pull back the veil on the high-stakes world of big law. I'm your host, emily Logan Steadman, a commercial litigator partner and someone who believes there's always room for a little more grace, even in this high-stakes profession. Here I share real stories from my own journey in big law and invite you behind the scenes, beyond the billable hour, to talk about what it means to stay human even in a demanding field. Whether you're a lawyer, a legal professional or someone trying to find your footing, this space is for you. Let's pull back the curtain, start the conversation and find our grace period together. Disclaimer the views and opinions shared on this podcast are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect those of my firm or any organization. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It is not legal advice, and listening does not create an attorney client relationship. Welcome to episode 50, the final episode of season five of the Grace Period. Today I want to revisit something we've talked about before but is worth repeating. It's something that seems simple and yet is also essential for your career as it evolves, and that is learning to say yes and no with intention.

Speaker 1: 1:14

Now, nine years into private practice, I'm still horrible at this. My knee jerk is to always say yes and never say no. And in the beginning I said yes to almost everything new assignments, volunteer roles, coffee meetings, projects, you name it. I was eager and ambitious and a little afraid to rub people the wrong way and set boundaries. I thought that saying yes was how you proved yourself. It was how you built relationships and how you opened doors. To this day, I can count on one hand the number of times I've said no to new work. I've gotten much better at saying no to non-billable obligations and focusing on what is actually most important and impactful for me. But it's still very hard for me to say no to new work. But over time I learned that every yes is also a no to something else. Over time, I learned that every yes is also a no to something else. It is a relationship and an equation where you're trading time, energy and focus, and even your wellbeing. As I grew into new roles and rose through the ranks, I realized that I needed to make more intentional choices. So how do you decide what to say yes to and what to decline or what to say no to? Here's what's helped me Get clear on your values and goals.

Speaker 1: 2:32

Before you can make intentional choices, you have to know what matters to you and what your goals are. What kind of work lights you up? What skills do you want to build or do you still need to grow? What do you want your days and your careers to look like? Who do you enjoy working with? Do you want your days and your careers to look like? Who do you enjoy working with? Do you want to make partner?

Speaker 1: 2:47

When you're clear on your values and goals, it becomes much easier to spot the right opportunities to say yes to and the ones to let go of, and this is something you have to reevaluate all the time. Your goal as a second year associate might be different from as a fifth year associate. That might be different as a seventh year associate. That's okay. You should be constantly checking in on your values and goals. Next, if possible, pause before you respond.

Speaker 1: 3:13

If someone asks you to take on a new project or opportunity, resist the urge to answer immediately. Take a breath, check your calendar, sleep on it and ask yourself does this align with my goals and values and priorities? Is this the right time? Do I actually have the capacity to take this on and do a good job. Will this help me grow or will it just stretch me thinner? Next, learn the art of the gracious no Saying no doesn't have to be harsh and final.

Speaker 1: 3:42

It can be a conversation. You can thank someone for thinking of you. You can acknowledge the value of the opportunity. You can explain why you can't commit right now. Sometimes it's not a no, it's just a not yet, and that's okay. I also call this the yes, but it looks like this. I'd really love to do this, but here's what else I'm juggling or have on my plate. How would you prioritize or? I'm very interested in this opportunity. Can we talk more about timing and whether the deadline is firm or can be adjusted? Make it a conversation.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Next, protect your yeses. When you do say yes, honor that commitment, show up fully, do your best work and let your yes mean something, and again revisit your priorities regularly as your career evolves. So will your interest and goals. Make time to reflect, recalibrate and adjust what you say yes and no to. Growth means change, and that's a good thing.

Speaker 1: 4:40

The more intentional I am with my yeses and no nos, the more I'm able to create a career and life that feels authentic, sustainable and meaningful to me.

Speaker 1: 4:51

You can do that too, and or maybe a but ultimately we must acknowledge elder millennials like me and those senior to me. We are going to start hearing no, much more from younger millennials and Gen Z than we ever felt like we could say no. We must accept this and try not to write people off for having better boundaries or different boundaries than we had when we were their age. But to the younger generations younger millennials and forward, and Gen Z, if you want to make partner go in-house or grow to the highest role you can, you too are going to have to say yes more than you'd like. But all of this can be a conversation and all of this can be mastered by constantly checking in with your values and priorities. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Grace Period. I hope today's no-transcript informational and entertainment purposes only. It is not professional or legal advice, and listening does not create an attorney-client relationship.