Episode 45: Perfectionism, Good Enough, and Breaking the Cycle

Perfectionism casts a long shadow over the legal profession, creating a persistent undercurrent of self-doubt that affects everyone from first-year associates to seasoned partners. Drawing from personal experience, I pull back the curtain on what it truly feels like to constantly question whether you're good enough, smart enough, or simply belong in Big Law at all.

The myth of perfection isn't just unrealistic—it's actively harmful to attorney well-being. Despite outward success, many of us develop an inner critic that becomes increasingly difficult to silence. We build our identities around work ethic and achievement, then face crushing disappointment when we inevitably make human mistakes. This episode explores how this vicious cycle operates, why even objective evidence of competence doesn't seem to help, and most importantly, how we can begin to break free.

The path forward isn't about eliminating self-doubt overnight but learning to challenge negative self-talk with the same compassion we'd offer a colleague or friend. I share practical strategies for reframing perfectionism, including specific questions to ask yourself when caught in negative thought patterns. By recognizing that imposter syndrome is actually a normal response to growth and that vulnerability is a strength rather than a weakness, we can begin redefining success on more sustainable terms. If you've ever felt like you're the only one struggling while everyone else has it figured out, this episode offers both validation and a roadmap for moving forward with greater self-compassion. Remember: real success isn't about being perfect—it's about showing up, learning from mistakes, and giving yourself the grace you deserve.

Find out more at https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilystedman/.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Grace Period Podcast

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Grace Period where we get real about attorney mental health and well-being and pull back the veil on the high-stakes world of big law. I'm your host, emily Logan Steadman, a commercial litigator partner and someone who believes there's always room for a little more grace, even in this high-stakes profession. Here I share real stories from my journey in big law and invite you behind the scenes the billable hour to talk about what it means to stay human in a demanding field. Whether you're a lawyer, a legal professional or someone trying to find your footing, this space is for you. Let's pull back the curtain, start the conversation and find our grace period together. Disclaimer the views and opinions shared on this podcast are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect those of my firm or any organization. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It does not constitute legal advice and listening does not create an attorney-client relationship. Hi and welcome to episode 45 of the Grace Period.

Speaker 1: 0:57

Today I want to talk about something that shadows a lot of us, especially me. Whether you're a brand new associate or a seasoned partner, this plagues our profession. What is it? The myth of perfection. Law, especially big law, is filled with high expectations and even higher achievers who put even higher expectations on themselves. From day one, we're taught to aim for the right answer, the perfect draft, the seamless performance in court or on a deal. But here's the truth perfection is a myth and chasing it leaves us feeling like imposters, always waiting for the moment that someone discovers we don't actually have it all together. Honestly, I rarely feel good enough. I don't share that looking for reassurance or compliments. I share it for the other anxious achievers out there, the ones who convince themselves that no one else feels this way. High achievers tend to set the bar sky high, sometimes impossibly so, but inevitably our humanity sneaks in. A mistake happens, it always will and suddenly we worry. Others are disappointed in us, because they tell us they are, or because we just imagine them to be disappointed, and we become disappointed in ourselves, often deeply. For me, I tend to overly rely on my work ethic. It is an essential part of my identity and who I am. As a result, my inner narrative around this turns on trying to keep up with those around me who I think are intellectually way ahead or better at the job than me. When that happens, and then when I make a mistake, my brain's soundtrack kicks in. See, emily, I told you you don't belong here.

Speaker 1: 2:47

After years of thinking and speaking to ourselves this way, this becomes our brain's default. It becomes the well-worn path, the story on repeat. We start to believe that inner critic, that inner voice. We start to believe that it's telling the truth. It's a vicious cycle. It's especially vicious when you have piles of actual evidence telling you you are good enough, but that evidence doesn't work. I'm here to tell you that we can break this cycle. How? By consistently and gently rewriting our self-talk on purpose. It's not easy, it doesn't happen overnight, but it is possible. When I catch myself slipping into not enough mode, I try to pause and tell my brain stop. No, I try to say to myself this isn't true. I try to remind myself of concrete examples that prove otherwise. I try to ask myself Emily, would you speak to a colleague, a friend or a family member? This way, I challenge my brain to find a kinder, more realistic way to look at the present situation.

Speaker 1: 3:57

Changing the inner narrative, challenging the inner critic is not about pretending we're perfect. It's about giving yourself the same grace you'd offer anyone else. It's about self-compass. Perfect, it's about giving yourself the same grace you'd offer anyone else. It's about self-compassion. It's about recognizing that you belong, even when you stumble and all humans stumble. If you're reading this and nodding along, you're not alone. And if you're listening to this and nodding along, you're not alone. This comes from a LinkedIn post I did recently. But again, you're not alone. My work on this is ongoing and it'll likely be with me my whole life, but that work is worth it. We can rewrite the script one thought at a time.

Speaker 1: 4:38

So remember imposter syndrome is normal. Feeling like you don't belong or that you're not good enough is normal. It's what happens when we stretch beyond our comfort zones. It's what happens when we care, when we're growing, learning and doing things we've never done before. No one has it all figured out. Even the most accomplished lawyers have moments of doubt, vulnerability and uncertainty. What matters is not eliminating those feelings or avoiding them, or stopping them altogether. It's learning to move through them with honesty and self-compassion.

Speaker 1: 5:16

So how do we reframe this? In Big Law? We remind ourselves success is not about being perfect. It's about showing up, doing your best and learning from the inevitable mistakes along the way. It's about remembering that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. When we admit we don't know something or that we're struggling. We open the door to growth, connection and real support. It's about redefining our milestones Instead of measuring yourself against impossible standards or other lawyers.

Speaker 1: 5:52

Celebrate your progress and resilience. Celebrate the courage to try something new. This is your progress and resilience. Celebrate the courage to try something new. This is your career and your journey. You're where you're supposed to be and on your own timeline. If you're feeling like an imposter right now or that you're not good enough, you're not alone. But the myth of perfection is just that a myth. Real success is messy, human and full of learning.

Speaker 1: 6:19

Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Grace Period. I hope today's stories and reflections brought you some clarity, comfort and a new way to think about perfectionism. Remember you don't have to choose between your well-being and your ambition. By setting boundaries, building supportive habits and giving yourself permission to pause, you can thrive in law, in big law and in life. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. That is the path to our grace period. Disclaimer the views expressed here are solely my own and do not represent the official policy or position of my firm or any organization. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only, not professional or legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship. If you made it this far, I apologize. If you can hear my dog, oxford, in the background, he's a three-year-old English Bulldog. The breed is not supposed to be vocal by genetics or tradition, but he very much is and you may have heard him in the background today.